One thing you should know about me, is that I love to get inside your head! I love unpicking someone’s kinks and fetishes and understanding what exactly makes them tick and why. I’m fascinated by how we all end up in this scene and the similarities we have, even though we may feel alone sometimes with our quirks. I hope with this little project I can help make at least one person feel more at peace with what they enjoy. Over the coming months, I’ll be taking the time to chat to and photograph subs and fetishists who are willing to share their story.
This month I met up with (and had my house cleaned by) RubberSD, a 29 year old submissive who says he’s been into kink for well over 10 years.
So Rubber SD, how did you get into kink?
I think it's always been part of me, even since a young age. I only really understood the feelings and what they meant during/slightly after puberty. Ever since I had access to a computer I started learning about new kinks, especially after joining Fetlife. I seemed to constantly be Googling new fetishes that I'd seen on there and this turned into a bit of a 'rabbit hole' of new kinks and fetishes that I enjoyed. Along with Fetlife being a bit of a learning platform I also started meeting people through it and this was where I became active in the scene etc.
What are your biggest kinks?
I would have to say Bondage, Sensory deprivation, latex, medical play, anal play, tease & denial are the biggest, however the list seems to be quite long and growing!
You mentioned you have a medical fetish. This is something that fascinates me! How did this start for you?
I’m unsure of the exact time it started or where it developed from, but I remember being jealous of other kids getting medicine or medical treatment when I was young, I remember having a thing for aprons and gloves too, which still persists today. As I got older and I started to realise a lot of my fetishes/kinks, I noticed I enjoyed the attention and methodical care involved in medical play, along with a lot of transferable things, for example - medical restraints, the control you give to nurses/doctors/medical staff etc while undergoing a medical procedure, medical equipment designed specifically for a human in a similar way to bdsm equipment. With there being a lot of similarities between domination and medical procedures I think there was a natural coming together of the two for me, so I love mixing them both together if I get the chance.
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending how you view it) I haven’t had much experience in a professional medical setting/in hospital etc. However, I do remember having to have some stitches removed from my right eye. I was on a hospital bed up against the wall which meant I had to face towards the nurse, as she leant over towards my face, she gave me permission to look where I wanted as I think she saw me looking everywhere apart from towards her top. I had to carry on looking elsewhere to avoid triggering my medical fetish and getting a slightly inappropriate erection!
Are you partnered and do (or did) they know about your interests?
My first relationship began with it being hidden, however, since then I've been fairly open with my last relationship being with a Professional Domme. I do think I was a little more selective before committing to relationships after the first relationship due to a sort of fear of rejection though.
When we spoke, you say you now lead with the kinky side of you first when dating. How different is this to how you’ve dating previously?
It’s made me so much more comfortable in myself and with the person I’m dating. When I went dating and led with my vanilla side, I struggled to know when to bring my kinky side up with them. It made me overthink a lot and I always felt the person I was dating didn’t really know me, so they couldn’t fully like me or make a decision whether they did or not. Now that I lead with my kinky side none of this is an issue as they’re already aware, meaning it’s something in common we can both discuss without the worry of being judged for it.
Outside of dating, how open are you about your kinks and why?
I'm fairly open now, especially in recent years due to good reactions from friends. Most of my close friends know I'm kinky although not always to what extent. I think I got sick of hiding such a huge part of myself and feeling like nobody actually knew the real me, so it's been quite liberating and this just spurred me on to be more open with friends and others as it's amazing when people are genuinely interested in it.
What advice would you give you subs who are less open?
To any subs who are a bit closed off and nervous, I'd say the following:
Opening can be daunting and seem like a huge thing. However, once you become more open you realise how much worse it seems in your mind than in reality, and how much your mind exaggerates things that you worry about. You don't have to jump in at the deep end. You can start small and speak to people online on certain kink websites rather than going straight into events etc. There are dating apps more open to kink or D/s like feeld, so you can chat to people with similar interests who won't judge you or your kinks. Once you start this, you'll find many people are enthusiastic and curious about you and your kinks, which can definitely boost your confidence and open a world of fun/enjoyment/acceptance. So go for it (at your own pace, but push yourself a little to make those first steps!)
Do you feel like other people share the same interests as you?
Definitely, It seemed like nobody did when I was younger but once I became more open about myself, others felt comfortable enough to share their own story/kinks with me and we were able to discuss this. I also think social media has helped in some ways, as things become more public and awareness grows along with acceptance (not in every case though, I know there are still a few bad apples that like to troll or voice their disgust etc!)
When did you start playing with professionals?
I've played with professionals a few times, the first was through fetlife and I became a filming sub for her after an initial trial session, another was during the German Fetish Ball however we had chatted online a while beforehand. My ex was a professional however we met in a fairly odd way, I created a purely kink profile on tinder (it didn't last long and was banned fairly quickly) and she spotted my profile, we matched, and things developed from there.
Have you been open to your partners about seeing professionals?
I haven't played with any professionals while in Relationships. Most were monogamous, one was ENM, however a limit was that kink stayed between us as I was owned during this relationship. I've never played outside a relationship and wouldn't without consent and continuous communication around this.
If you could change one thing about the kink scene what would it be?
I think (as with most things) there are a small amount of people who ruin things for the majority. I hate people abusing their position or using toxic manipulation to get their way. There seems to be a lot of people who I've played with who lack in trust due to being manipulated or abused and this reduces their enjoyment in scenes as they can't fully let go, or it takes a long time to trust again etc. So although it's unfortunately far fetched I'd love it if everyone could fully enjoy their kinks without judgement or abuse, as it's such a beautiful experience to see people fully embracing their kinks and finding joy in this, as well as being part of it too.
How do you think those who don’t practice BDSM perceive it? Do you feel like it influences you in any way?
Despite me being more open I'm always quite sensitive to people's reactions to something kink related which could then be a reason for me to open up to them or keep things hidden. More often than not, people seem interested even if they don't understand it. Having said that, there are some people who don't seem interested and seem to judge without any curiosity. Luckily I don't seem to attract or keep those type of people around!
Thank you for your time RubberSD!
If you would like to get involved in this project, please DM me on Twitter @HouseOfDouleur